Religious Freedom

If I read one more article about that dim witted Kim Davis in Kentucky and how her religious freedoms are under attack I think I will puke. It appears her Evangelical followers need a lesson in American history. They claim that the United States was founded as a “Christian” nation. Not true. This country was founded on the premise of separation of Church and state with NO official national religion. They use the phrase “One nation under God” to support their claim. However, that phrase was not added to the pledge of allegiance or put on our money until the 1950’s when everyone feared that the would would turn atheist Communist.

It is that dim bulb Davis that is trying to push her religious beliefs on others. The couples are seeking civil marriage licenses. They are not demanding that any Church marry them. And civil gay weddings were made the law of the land by the Supreme Court.

Plus, is the dimwitted Davis really the shining example of marital sanctity that these Evangelical supporters want to defend? It appears she has been married 5 times ( I guess in fairness you could say only 4 because one of these brain dead men married her twice ). Not only that her children were not conceived by the man she was married to at the time. Now since these “religious” fanatics are so intent on following the Bible verbatim, then it appears that Davis should be stoned to death. “The scribes and the Pharisees brought a woman who had been caught in adultery, and placing her in the midst they said to him, “Teacher, this woman has been caught in the act of adultery. Now in the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women. ”

Let me just say that Colorado has plenty of rocks, so all we need is a time and place. I would prefer that it not be on a Saturday though. I would hate to miss any College football games.

The Flea Market

A few weeks ago a friend and I went to the flea market. I hadn’t been in many years and boy have things changed. The flea market used to be individuals selling items they no longer wanted and other individuals buying these these items and taking them home as newly found treasures. This is where that saying ” One man’s trash is another man’s treasure” comes from. You just have to be lucky enough to find someone that falls in love with your trash when you are trying to dispose of it.

Now , the flea market is nothing more than permanent stalls filled with new items. Often more than one stall of some particular items. The day my friend and I went the big sell of the day was bras 3 for $10.00 dollars or Nike shoes , 2 pairs for $35.00. There was also a full scale Mexican market ( it was huge ), Several bars, rides for the kids ( bumper cars etc. ), many small cafes, the ever popular turkey legs and live entertainment. Where were the individuals selling their used items? Have they migrated to someplace else?

I will always remember one particular trip to the flea market. It was years ago when one of my mother’s sisters from California was visiting. She was a frequent visitor to the flea markets in California and we promised to take her to the one in Denver. This was back in the day and as we entered there were rows and rows of individuals selling their used items that they no longer wanted. Then as we wandered down one particular row we all stopped in are tracks. There was an item that we had never before seen at the flea market – an empty casket.

Now what made this item especially strange is that usually people brought used items to sell. We never did get an answer from the man when we asked if this was a used casket. And if it was where was the original owner? I have always wondered if the man was able to sell that casket. I must say he did have it at a very affordable price.

Do You Take This Man?

From the beginning when someone asked me what I wanted in a relationship, I would always answer ” Someone breathing”.  However, over the years I have refined my answer. Now I say someone very wealthy ( yes, I know money can’t buy love but think of all the other things that it can buy). Then I add that he must have one foot in the grave and the other on a banana peel. This leads to oops, gee I don’t know how he fell down all those stairs.

Oh course such a tragedy must be accompanied by very proper mourning. As we all know the best and most proper way to mourn is a trip to Europe. While in Europe it is only proper that you mourn by staying in the best hotel, preferably in the pent house suite. ( You know you need room and luxury to mourn properly ). Finally, as everyone knows, the best way to mourn is with new clothes. I mean really how can you mourn properly in old clothing? Buying new and very fashionable clothes should not present any problems while you are in Europe. This way when people see you walking down the street in that new Armani suit, they will say ” Look at that poor man in that beautiful new suit. He must be very deep in mourning”. Just remember to also save plenty of money and not spend it all on mourning. After all life goes on and there is no reason it should go on with you being poor.

Recently there has been an ads all over the place for a dating site “Farmersonly.com” . They have that catchy jingle ” You don’t have to be lonely at Farmers Only .com” Of course I would modify it just a bit to: ” You would have to be crazy to use Farmers Only .com”. I mean what gay guy wants to live in the country with all those slimy creepy crawly things? I do admit that there are slimy creepy crawly things in the city also but they are usually all people.

Greek Time

Growing up I heard the phrase “running on Greek time ” very often and not in a good way.  You would hear ” No , they are not late . They are simply running on Greek time”. Or “Somehow we missed our flight at the airport. They just won’t adjust their flights for Greek time”. Yes, this even creeps into Church services. More than once I have heard people ask the Priest ” Why did you start services so early?” When the Priest would reply ” But I started them at 9:30 when they are supposed to start”. The reply back that he would get was usually ” Yes, but we come every week. Why can’t you wait for us to enter the Church before starting?” ( why indeed). One good thing about Greek time, I will be late for my own funeral!

My dad for some reason ran on the opposite of Greek time. If you didn’t arrive at an event at least 3 hours early, then you were running late. For example, when we would go to visit relatives in Salt Lake City, we would leave at 1AM. This way when are relatives were getting out of bed bright and early the very  first thing they would see at their front door was us. (Surprise!!). Or when we would go to the University of Colorado bowl games. We didn’t want to miss our flight so we would normally get to the airport at least 3 hours early ( yes even for the chartered flights). Of course the fun in this was being able to help the janitors clean the airport or when the shop owners arrived to open their stores we were also there to help them with that.

Odd Things

On my drive to work, I pass Fairmont Cemetery. This last Friday there was a big banner hanging on one of the fences. In nice bold letters was printed ” Tonight is movie night. Bring your family and friends”. Now I have seen where theaters and other places have a family movie night, but a cemetery?  I mean what is the main feature ” Night of the Living Dead”? Do they invite “special” guests?

I passed a Church that had  a sign that read ” God will be having a reunion. Will you be there”? I have never been that crazy about reunions. Family reunions can be very awkward because there are always a few weird relatives that you always feel that you must be nice to. ( Example : cousin Nicole the Feta cheese heiress – awkward with a capital A!!).

Then there is the Republican radio ad. It starts out with a soft spoken woman saying ” There are people out there who believe in racial equality, in choice for women, in marriage equality, and in free education for college so that when your child graduates they are not in debt”.  Who are these people? – Republicans”. Is this a joke? Apparently the people behind this ad didn’t bother to watch the last Republican debate. Was this made as a joke to make people laugh? I guess that one of the major draw backs of free speech is that it does allow people to lie. This ad is a whopper!!

Finally there is the restaurant with the big banner that reads. “Biggest and best selection all you can eat brunch in Metro Denver”! Then in much smaller letters underneath it reads ” Limit one serving per customer”.

Who will Fix This Car?

When I was learning to drive, my dad decided to also teach me how to fix a car. I think we both knew that this was a doomed effort but it must be said that he did try. Even now I can remember his calm words of encouragement ” The oil doesn’t go in there!! Why did you put the windshield cleaner in the gas tank?”!!

Now, in my defense, realistically what gay guy works on cars? I mean you have grease and oil – bleah! On the other hand, ask me to set a table for a formal dinner – perfection! Besides, what gay guy with any brains doesn’t have a lesbian best friend that loves to work on cars? This is what nature intended. Why mess with the natural order of the world?

Plus , why do mechanics have to use such strange language? The other day I needed to have my muffler fixed ( Yes, I do know where the muffler is located). The mechanic started telling me all about rods and bolts and manifolds and something being unhinged. I became unhinged just listening to what he was saying. Why not use plain English? All he had to do was just tell me that the one thing a ma jig had gotten disconnected from the other thing a ma jig. Now those are words that normal people understand. Apparently he was very successful in fixing my thing a ma jig, because my car is running great now.

So, You Want To Work in A Pot Shop

Now, first let me be perfectly clear about one thing. I am not advocating for anyone to change careers and go to work in the pot industry. However, I must say that currently pot shops are Colorado’s fastest growing business and they have helped thousands of Coloradans find jobs. Besides, wouldn’t it be better to work in a pot shop than to have someone tell you that you look like you’ve gone to pot?

First, you must use correct language. These are not pot shops. They are Marijuana dispensaries. We have several varieties. There are the ones that sell for medicinal purposes ( these have been around for several years now ). Then you have the recreational usage shops and finally shops that sell both. Also, not just any ordinary Joe can work in these places. ( Of course I consider myself to be an extraordinary Joe ). University of Colorado and several other colleges have now developed majors in Marijuana cultivation. In a few years you may need a masters degree just to work in one of these places.

You have to pass a background and credit check plus most important of all the drug test.  Plus the industry is more than just selling pot. Grads from the top agricultural schools are getting very good paying jobs. So are programmers, attorneys, security system installation specialists, designers, chemists, biologists and  lab technicians. Yes, Colorado may have gone to pot but to the tune of over 60 million in the first year. ( all going to the schools ). Who knows one day I may even become Colorado’s very own pot king. ( better be very nice to me ).

Greece

I may have come upon a solution to the terrible situation with Greece. First the US needs to close all its bases in Germany and take all that money that would be spent there and give it to Greece. For some reason the Germans get pleasure out of hurting groups of people every few decades. Then the US should make Greece a protectorate like Puerto Rico, Guam  etc. We could wake up each morning to Yasou America ( a program that would feature Greek doctors that would dictate to Americans on how to live healthier lives).

Think of it millions of left leaning Greeks voting in US elections ( these are Bernie Sanders type of folks). Probably the Republicans would vigorously object to these ideas. After all many right wing Evangelical Christians don’t believe that Orthodox Christians are real Christians. Remember when Pat Robertson sent missionaries to Greece and Russia to convert the heathens to “Christianity” ? Or how he was so pissed when the missionaries got “lost” in the Greek mountains and the Greek government refused to go looking for them?

Now in all fairness to the Greek government, they did warn Robertson that his people would not be well received and especially to not tell the yiayias and papous in those Greek mountains that they were worshiping God improperly. So a few folks disappeared ( taste this new yummy Greek stew – with enough Ouzo nothing tastes bad ). I will write my congressman and see what he thinks of my ideas. What could possibly go wrong?

Iran

While I supported President Obama’s Iran treaty politically, it also affected me in another way. Three weeks ago I started working for an Iranian doctor. All I could think of was if the treaty isn’t successful, could I become the first hostage on American soil.  The doctor is a very nice man but with politics you never know.  In a way working in his clinic is a lot like volunteering for the Church. Farsi is spoken by many of the workers there. So you have a group of people speaking very rapidly in a foreign tongue. ( At Church it is Greek).

It is a shame because at one time I spoke Spanish and Greek. Now I struggle with English. One of these days soon , all I will be able to do is nod my head and smile when I am communicating with other people.

The doctor had to be re-certified as a physician when he emigrated here with his family. Now he owns a three story office building. His walk in clinic is on the first floor. On the second floor is his wife’s Home Health Care office on one side and the administrative business offices on the other side. On the third floor is a Mosque. Attached at the back of the building is one of the chain store pot shops called “Altitude”. (Think of how much fun breaks can be).

What attracted me to this particular doctor is that he will only accept medicare and medicaid. He says in the long run it all evens out and he still manages to support his family. Now things will be okay as long as the Republican congress doesn’t defeat this treaty. If they do my family will have to start a free the hostage page on face book. ( Please give generously!! ).

The Pot Shop

In one of my recent blogs, I mentioned selling marijuana in Colorado. Pot shops are opening up at a rapid pace. Most are painted green and have names like Altitude ( This is actually a chain of shops around the Metro Denver area ), All Time High and Friends of Mary Jane. These shops much like liquor stores and bars run the gamut from very plush to down right dives. Some sell recreational pot, some medical pot ( with bright red crosses painted on the buildings ), and some sell both.

The minute you enter one of these shops, you are greeted by a cop and asked to show your ID. This is one of my favorite things about the pot shops – everyone is carded. Instead of being asked ” Would you like the senior discount? “, you are asked ” May I see your ID?”. You also notice that everyone working in these shops is very friendly and is always smiling. After spending some time in a shop, you understand why. Much like second hand smoke, there is that distinct aroma. Most customers also leave with smiles on their faces.

There are literally hundreds of job openings because so many shops are opening up around town. The requirements are fairly simple : 1.) You must pass a background check 2.) You must pass a credit check and finally 3.) ( the most important ) You must pay a $150.00 fee for your marijuana badge ( This makes you official and must be renewed every year at the same rate ). Also, the many benefits have been, reduced drug crime rate, millions of more dollars for the public schools ( taxes go to the schools ) , and a much happier and friendly state citizenship. Denver has always been called the Mile High City and now it is so true.