When I was learning to drive, my dad decided to also teach me how to fix a car. I think we both knew that this was a doomed effort but it must be said that he did try. Even now I can remember his calm words of encouragement ” The oil doesn’t go in there!! Why did you put the windshield cleaner in the gas tank?”!!

Now, in my defense, realistically what gay guy works on cars? I mean you have grease and oil – bleah! On the other hand, ask me to set a table for a formal dinner – perfection! Besides, what gay guy with any brains doesn’t have a lesbian best friend that loves to work on cars? This is what nature intended. Why mess with the natural order of the world?

Plus , why do mechanics have to use such strange language? The other day I needed to have my muffler fixed ( Yes, I do know where the muffler is located). The mechanic started telling me all about rods and bolts and manifolds and something being unhinged. I became unhinged just listening to what he was saying. Why not use plain English? All he had to do was just tell me that the one thing a ma jig had gotten disconnected from the other thing a ma jig. Now those are words that normal people understand. Apparently he was very successful in fixing my thing a ma jig, because my car is running great now.

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